Don't be lied to...
How to tell if someone is lying to you.
by Dr. Lee Miller
As a human lie detector it's very difficult to lie to me. Multiple ways of determining if a person is lying to me are used. I will share many of the tools used to determine if a person is being truthful or lying. Learn these tools and then spotting a liar becomes easy with experience.
It's easier than you think to become a human lie detector.
Look for Suspicious Behaviors
By themselves, each of these following behaviors can just be signs of stress, or even a person's natural mannerisms. One mannerism can occur by chance, but when two or more of these behaviors suddenly appear at a moment when lying could be expedient, you should be skeptical.
Here's the list of the top suspicious behaviors when lying:
- A change in the voice's pitch.
- A change in the rate of speech.
- A sudden increase in the number of "um's" and "ah's."
- A change in eye contact. Normally, one makes eye contact one-quarter to one-half of the time. If suddenly, at the convenient moment to lie, they are staring at you or looking away, beware and pay attention more for other signs.
- Turning their body away from you, even if just slightly.
- Suddenly being able to see the white on the top and bottom of a person's eyes, not just the sides. This is a fear reaction of being discovered in the lie.
- A hand reaching, even if momentarily, to cover part of the face, especially the mouth. If a person covers the mouth while talking they are not wanting to say this or they are lying. It may be as obvious as completely concealing the mouth or as subtle as a single finger placed in front of the lips. It's like they are subconsciously covering the lies that they are telling
- People who are lying often rub or touch their nose when speaking. Research has found that when a person is lying it can cause the tissue in the nose to swell therefore the rub or touch of the nose.
- These nervous gestures can range from a small rub of the back of the ear to an outright yank of the ear lobe.
- Nervous movement of feet or legs, or If they cross their arms or legs in a defensive position.
- They may talk longer than normal denying their behavior. In their denial they provide unnecessary details. This is caused by the person attempting extra hard to attain believability and avoid getting caught in the lie
- When a person is lying instead of answering the question they often will ask you a question. Like who told you that or where did you hear that? This is to get you talking while they throw you off guard and polish their answer in their mind. Say nothing, look at them expecting an answer, watch and stay quiet after that and listen and watch for their "tells".
- Scientists have found lying can cause a tingling in the tissues of the neck, leading to a rubbing of the neck or pulling the collar of their shirt.
- Shaking the head no while saying yes or visa versa. This is a contrary signal when the mind and mouth is saying one thing and the body's movement is giving away the truth.
Develop a baseline of the persons behavior
Of course, in order to notice a change, you need a baseline. So you must first watch the person when talking about innocuous issues. When you discover a gesture, movement or verbal sound that a person uses when they are lying this is called a "tell", it tells that they are lying. A person when confronted about lying will increase this "tell" activity. In gambling nervous behavior is called a "tell".
A Mixed Signal
Also look for mixed signals. When someone's telling the truth, their words, face and body language are all congruent. For example, if a person is honestly saying that they like you, their face is usually relaxed, offering a gentle smile and warm eyes. Their body is calm and open. But when they are lying, something is usually inconsistent. In the most obvious case, they may be saying they like you, but they're not smiling. They may even have a clenched fist. Better liars can muster a smile, but it doesn't look natural. Even better liars can put on a convincing smile, but their eyes aren't smiling. Still better liars can control their entire face, but their bodies seem closed or cold. Look for mismatches between words and body language.
When you've gotten a "tell" signal -- a change in body language or a mixed signal that the person may be lying -- ask for more information about the same topic. Sometimes it's best to wait awhile to ask for more information to develop your baseline of their behavior. Are those same lying signs apparent? This can help confirm your suspicion.
Of course, there's no foolproof way to detect lying. Some people are terrific at covering themselves up, especially if they are naturally emotionally flat or have practiced their lying skills over many years -- certain political leaders come to mind. If you look for the "tell" behavior changes and mixed signals when watching for a liar you will improve your BS detector. You can become a human lie detector. Practice makes perfect.
Now what will you do with learning this information on the body language of liars? May I suggest that you use the information to make your life better. Move on and find friends, lovers and others that you associate with who are not liars. You will love yourself by doing this.
Lying, eye movements and the dominant hand
You can often get an indication if someone is lying to you by their eye movements when they are asked to answer a question. Here is how it works.
Ask a person a question - Notice which way their eyes move as they answer. You will also need to know if they are right or left handed. If they are right handed and the eyes go up and to the right then the person is lying. If the eyes go up and to the left then they are telling the truth. Easy to remember - if the eyes go the same direction as their dominant hand they are most probably lying, if the eyes go in a different direction than the dominant hand they are telling the truth.
How to trip up a liar and confuse them
- Get them to sit down, then ask your questions while you are standing up. Stand up casually so it does not seem like an intentional power move. Get a glass of water for both of you. Ask the question when you are above them and leaning over them. Like when you are handing them the glass of water.
- Don't ever tell them what you actually know about the subject of their lying.
- If you are sure they are lying tell them that they are not a good liar. Don't say that you know what they are saying is a lie or how you know they are lying.
- Stay calm. Don't show any anger. The first time you react negatively you will lose any chance of being told the truth.
If you have liars in your life
I would like to stress to you that if you have a liar in your life you should make the choice to drop them. Leave them so that they become a part of your past, create a new future without them. Make the decision to move into a circle of positive, kind friends, find a new mate to be a part of your life who will not lie to you.
Don't try to change liars they are not going to change. Lying is a way of life and a thrill to them. They enjoy feeling like they are superior to others and making other people believe their lies makes the liar feel superior.
Why should you have to be always looking to find out if you are being lied to? There are many wonderful people in life who are not liars. You deserve to be with people who will not lie to you.
Move onward and upward in life. Treat yourself fantastic and live a great life of happiness. Choose your path to happiness.
Life has many choices to make each day. Learn to make each choice a choice that will put you onto a path that will allow you to live a life of happiness.
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you.
Lee Miller
I hope that each person who has read this article and the others that I have written will give themselves the project of creating for themselves the best life that they can.
Let me suggest other articles on this subject that will compliment the information you have gained here, they are:
I laugh therefore, I am...
I am available for dynamic, moving and entertaining speaking engagements on this and many other subjects. Let me set your group on fire and on the right track with the right information.
I also hold small group classes.
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Page created June 1, 2008
Page updated March 8, 2009
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